The Long A.A.R.M. of Steve O…

MORE…
Aimless
A
ssemblage of
R
ambling
M
usings of an
over-caffeinated, slightly ajar yet well-meaning writer.

MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH…
If you’re over the age of, oh let’s say 35 for shits and giggles, you’ll recognize that line as the classic retort of one Maxwell Smart, AKA Control Agent 86 from the classic 60s spy spoof, Get Smart.

As he would say the line, he would hold his index finger and thumb close together to convey just how close “it” missed by.

It was of course a sarcastic remark because more often than not the “misser” missed whatever it was by a whole lot more than ol’ Max thought.

Well, here’s a “smart” one that someone, or some people missed on… by a very wide margin.

In case you missed it, a new food labeling campaign called Smart Choices was recently launched. This campaign was “designed to help shoppers easily identify smarter food and beverage choices.” The campaign, which has the full support of the nation’s biggest food makers, is leaving many, yours truly included, to wonder just how dumb and naive these food makers think we, the American public, truly are.

Consider some of the items that have been deemed as “Smart Choices”:

  • Froot Loops
  • Frosted Flakes
  • Lucky Charms
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
  • Hellman’s Mayonnaise

Not surprisingly someone with an unbiased opinion — and a highly respected one I might add — was none to pleased with the “Smart Choices” list:

“These are horrible choices,” said Walter C. Willett, chairman of the nutrition department of the Harvard School of Public Health. He said the criteria used by the Smart Choices Program were seriously flawed, allowing less healthy products, like sweet cereals and heavily salted packaged meals, to win its seal of approval. “It’s a blatant failure of this system and it makes it, I’m afraid, not credible,” Mr. Willett said.

Now, and I’m just floating this out there like the cynical bastard that I can be sometimes… you don’t think the makers of these products put their own best interests ahead of those of the American public, AKA the very people who buy their crap, do you?

Yeah, me neither.

THE LAND OF LINCOLN
Wanted to share this with you. I love this spot for the Illinois Lottery; love the contrast between the serene music and chaos that’s ensuing by the second.

I KNOW EVERYONE HAS THEIR PRICE, BUT
A $20 Amazon gift certificate?

That’s what someone named Nikki Finke was offered to consider writing about a new CBS Show called the The Good Wife.

See Nikki writes for a site called Deadline Hollywood and apparently someone named Amy Morales, a “Community Activator” for the YouCast Corporation working for CBS, emailed Nikki asking her if she would mention The Good Wife on her site thus getting exposure for said TV show.

Ok, that’s done all the time. It’s called lobbying.

However, Amy upped the proverbial ante and added in her email:

“As a thank you for considering the story I would love to send you a $20 Amazon Gift Certificate…”

Amy, baby, sweetheart… listen, if you’re gonna bribe someone, you gotta do better than a $20 Amazon Gift Certificate. Jeezus, at least make it in cash.

To call this this whole thing unethical and immoral would not be doing it enough justice. And to say that Ms. Morales is probably looking for new employment would not be a stretch, either.

Here’s the whole story.

“TURN” THE BEAT AROUND
I’m not sure how it is where you live in the world but where I live I truly believe that all automobiles should have turn signals as an option as opposed to coming standard.

The reason I say is most people I come across on the highway and bi-ways choose to not to use them, rather changing lanes or making turns all willy-nilly and without one ounce of regard for their fellow auto-mobilists.

So, note to Detroit: Stop making turn signals standard on all cars and rather include them in the luxury package along with heated seats.

WHEN “IRISH” EYES ARE SMILING
This is something I cannot believe I didn’t think of sooner but what the hell, I thought of it now…

Why are seemingly all people of Irish descent fans of Notre Dame?

Is it simply because they are known as The Fighting Irish?

That makes absolutely no sense to me.

You wanna be a fan cause you like the team and the players? Fine.

You wanna be a fan cause you like the school or are an alumnus? Fine.

You wanna like the team cause your Irish and they have Irish in their nickname? No!!! Not fine!!!

And please ND fans, don’t give me any crap about Knute Rockne and all that… I don’t wanna hear it. You grow up and it’s embedded into your sports psyche and passed on from generation to generation that you MUST root for Notre Dame if you are Irish. Period.

Am I the only one who thinks that’s nuts?!?!!

Does this mean that I, an American of Polish and Italian descent cannot root for Notre Dame? Is this mutually exclusive between Irish people and the Fighting Irish?

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to go off on some rant here but… gimme a freaking break.

Ok, I’m done. That was very cathartic.

Til next time…

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