Yes Virginia… (Audio Rant)

Warning. Warning. You’re now re-entering the Dr. Jekyll portion of your ride aboard the journey that is the 2008-09 Philadelphia Eagles. The good doctor’s alter ego of course paid a visit last week only to see his better half re-appear this week. Who will be “on call” next week? We’re sorry, we’re not at liberty to say.

***

From the sheer number of calls/texts I received as soon as it became official that yes Virginia there is in fact a Santa Claus and the Texans and Raiders had done the unthinkable – I just knew this game was going to be something special and memorable.

But if ANYONE thought for one second the outcome would have been so one-sided… and hey, you knew things would be somewhat strange and bizarre, I mean what else would you expect when the temperature is higher in Philly than it was in Atlanta on December 28th?

Ok, let’s get to getting…

IT’S THE HOLIDAY SEASON, SO WHOOP-DEE-DO…
One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite holiday songs is “through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow…” Upon hearing the news that the Texans had defeated the Bears thereby making the Cowboys/Eagles game a “Win and In” game, that lyric came into my head… go figure.

Obviously “the fates allowed” the Eagles and their fans to be together for at least one more week.

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES…
Wonder if Cowboys’ fans felt the hair on the back of their collective necks rise just a tad when Nick Folk booted the opening kickoff out of bounds? Ominous beginning, anyone?

SHOOTING AT THE WALLS OF HEARTACHE…
That of course is the first line of the chorus from the Scandal hit song, “I Am the Warrior” and I think it’s a pretty safe bet to refer to Brian Dawkins as The Warrior. Let’s see, two forced fumbles that led directly to defensive touchdowns as well being essentially all over the field… yeah I think that qualifies him as “a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness…” wouldn’t you?

I KNEW AL HAIG AND YOU ARE NO…
So let’s see, the HEAD COACH instructs his punting team to take the field. What’s this? They’re heading back to the sidelines. Did the HEAD COACH change his mind? Why no. Mr. J. Simpson, AKA Tony Romo, decided to play Al Haig to Wade Phillips’ Ronald Reagan and tell the world… “I am in control here.”

You know, in Big D that whole title of HEAD COACH really doesn’t mean what it means on other teams. But Wade Phillips does make a mean omelet for the guys at the team breakfasts. so he has that going for himself.

I KNEW AL HAIG AND YOU ARE NO…PART DUEX
The one and only MQ, even in his weakened state (oncoming cold) made a brilliant observation regarding the aforementioned series of events.

Just 4 plays after Romo’s Coup d’état, the Eagles’ Chris Clemons was off and running on a 73-yard TD and MQ immediately pointed out the fact that that never would have occurred had the Boys punted in the first place.

Don’t hate me cause I get to watch the Birds in the company of such genius.

MQ later predicted Wade Phillips’ imminent firing but… read on and see why that might not happen.

JESSE’S WORLD…
I’ve told you before about my friend/co-worker Jesse Lorenz and his staunch belief that Andy Reid is “the worst coach in football.”

But after yesterday’s game, even Jesse has to give props to Big Red. Like him or not, he had his team ready to play in the biggest game of the year. Hell even Troy Aikman gave Andy props, albeit it took til the 4th Quarter to do so, but hey, Troy wanted to make sure the game was really out of reach before he lavishly heaped praise on the big fella.

TV TIMEOUT…
The new tagline for the Pinnacle line of golf balls is “Distance doesn’t have to be hard.” There’s a Viagra joke in there somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it. In a matter of speaking that is. If anyone comes up with anything, drop me a line via the form below.

Another sign of surrealism was afoot… the constant running of the fantasy football commercial for NFL.com featuring the song “You Had A Bad Day.” Cowboys fans, what’ya think? I would say you had a bad day, huh?

And speaking of Mr. Aikman, did you catch this zinger he threw at the Eagles during the Second Half?

“Sometimes the team with the most talent doesn’t win.”

Course my next thought was… ‘That’s true, Troy. But then again, sometimes it does.’

TONY, TONY, TONY HAS DONE IT AGAIN…
0-2 in the playoffs… yet another abysmal performance in a big game… It’s a good thing ol’ Tony’s got such a pretty shoulder to cry on.

Kids, this guy is a complete and unadulterated media-made fraud. Gaudy numbers, Weeks 1 – 10? Yeah Romo’s your guy? But in December, when the proverbial check comes, Tony’s nowhere to be found.

RAPID FIRE ACTION…
I don’t remember what game from the 70s featured it, but I know I’ve heard the phrase “rapid fire action” used to describe some sort of game/toy from my childhood. Perhaps my brother Greg will recall?

Anyway, in this context it means it’s time to rattle off some bullets…

  • I know Foster’s is Australian for beer but I was wondering, what’s ‘Turn in your playbook, Sav’ in Australian? I think, barring some boomers to end all boomers in the playoffs, the great Sav Rocca Experiment will be over at the end of the season.
  • Did you catch this one? Coming back from a commercial break, we saw a player’s ankle being taped as Fox did the “sponsored by” portion yet the player in question was wearing a purple knee sock! Last time I checked neither the Cowboys nor the Eagles wore purple. No B-Roll to use guys? Had to use one from the Vikes game?
  • The Eagles need to work on kick off return coverage. Too much yardage given up on a few of those kicks.
  • How deplorable and depressing must it be living in Detroit these days?
  • On September 4th, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice charges and resigned from office.
  • On December 16th, Detroit’s two main daily newspapers announced they would be reducing home delivery to three days a week.
  • On December 28th, the Lions become the first team in the history of the NFL to go 0-16.
  • But the Red Wings are in first place!
  • Now be honest, how incredibly sweet was it watching Jerry Jones suffer through such an embarrassing loss in the biggest game of the year? Course it was pretty sweet watching TO suffer as well. And Pacman and Romo and…

HOW THE OTHER HALF VIEWED THE GAME…
Here are some excerpts from an in-game blog that appeared on the website of the Dallas Morning Star:

Before the Game
The X’s and O’s are always important. But this game will be the ultimate measure of the Cowboys’ heart. It’s a simple question, really. How bad do the Cowboys want to win and get into the playoffs? “The competitive guy inside of you really enjoys playing in these situations when you know you have to win,” Tony Romo said. “You’ve got to go do it on the road, against a tough opponent in a difficult environment. I suspect our team will be ready to go.” Make no mistake, this is a franchise-changing game. Lose, and there could be wholesale changes from the head coach on down. Win, and this team lives to play for a Super Bowl.

With the Cowboys down 17-3
Time for Tony Romo to show up. The Cowboys have no shot if their gunslinger doesn’t get going.

Following Pacman Jones being flagged for Unsportsmanlike Conduct at end of the 1st Half
The Cowboys’ playoff hopes have shattered like a glass umbrella in a hotel bathroom.

Following Brent Celek’s TD putting the Eagles up 24-3
The most disappointing season in Cowboys’ history looks like it will end with a disastrous loss.

After the Eagles went up 44-3
As a former boxing writer, I’ve seen a few fights that needed to be stopped.Stop the fight. Stop the fight. Stop the fight. This fight would be stopped on cuts.

After the Cowboys cut the Eagles lead to 38
Cowboys only need 13 more field goals

Following the game
Can anybody think of a more humiliating loss in Cowboys’ history?A playoff berth was on the line, and the Cowboys couldn’t even manage to keep the game interesting for a half. There are zero positives from this pathetic performance.Entering the season, it was thought that the Cowboys wouldn’t be able to prove anything until the playoffs. They won’t even get a chance after this embarrassing display.

And finally, this tidbit… which I think is good news for Eagles fans although it means MQ’s prediction would be untrue…
“This is obviously very disappointing right now,” Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said, “but we won’t have a head coaching change.”

THE BOTTOM LINE…
I said a few weeks back, I don’t where and when this season will ultimately take us but to enjoy the ride while we’re on it. We all hope Mr. Hyde does not return but this is the Eagles so anything and I mean anything is possible.

But they have their ticket to the ball and maybe, just maybe, the glass slipper will fit this year and Midnight will never come.

As always, time’s yours, food’s mine.

Til next time.

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