The O Zone…

Rambling thoughts and observations from the annals and dark recesses of The O Zone.

Everyone keeps asking me who I will be rooting for, Celtics or Lakers and I tell them as I will tell all of you: I would rather be forced to watch an Adam Sandler movie-marathon with Rosie O’Donnell on one side of me and Louie Anderson on the other and one only box of popcorn between the 3 of us than EVER root for the Boston Celtics. Lakers in six.

Growing up in the prime of the Mike Schmidt era, I didn’t always stop and appreciate how lucky I was to be seeing the greatest third-basemen of all time. Phillies fans, myself included, need to stop every now and then and appreciate the current Phillie who could arguably be the greatest at his position when all is said and done, Chase Utley.

Last night’s Pens/Wings game was truly a classic, no doubt about it. And no one was happier with the outcome than the network, even more so than the Pens fans. This sport desperately needs to stay in the proverbial limelight as much as possible and for as long as it can before the Celtics/Lakers take over. The over-the-top ESPN hyperbole machine has already begun and it’s only going to get worse once the they actually start to play.

So The Shuffle now wants to dance on the side of the disco, huh? Reported exclusively by ESPN950’s Brian Seltzer, the Eagles have had discussions regarding disgruntled cornerback Lito Sheppard lining up and playing some wide receiver. Naturally all parties involved have vehemently denied the story but just as is the case when a manager or coach receives the dreaded Vote of Confidence, the opposite is more than likely true. So look for Lito at wideout this year for a few plays and look for Mets Manager Willie Randolph on a golf course in the very near future.

Remember on Seinfeld (the greatest show in the history of the entire entertainment medium, how’s that for hyperbole?) when Jerry was hooked up to the lie detector to see if he did in fact watch Melrose Place? Well clearly Moises Alou needs to be strapped in once and for all and answer the question: Would you have caught the infamous Bartman ball in 2003 had you not been interfered with? In March, Alou was quoted by the AP as saying that he would not have caught it. Now he says he would have caught the ball. So hook him up and let’s get this over with and while we’re at it, ask him what he really thought about Amanda and Billy.

And finally today… heard a conversation on the radio the other day regarding Madonna and her pending trip to Philly for some reason or another, I don’t really care to be honest with you. The host was reminiscing about the last time Madge was in town and he heard about a story told by someone who worked at the hotel in which The Material Girl was shacked up in.

Seems this hotel employee — and all hotel employees for that matter — were given explicit instructions to NEVER look Madonna in the eyes, to NEVER make eye contact with the star.

Now this got me thinking. First off, how would she OR anyone ever know if anyone ever made eye contact with her UNLESS she herself (not likely) or one of her posse (likely) noticed the egregious eye-contacting thereof and reported it to the local vision police? So you can make the assumption that one or more of Madonna’s staff has in their job description: “Be on the lookout and report all illegal vision-esque communications immediately.”

Then I got to thinking how utterly and ridiculous our society has become in regards to how we treat celebrities. See, it’s not their fault they’re the way they are. Tom Cruise used to be a normal guy, but he got famous for making movies, went off the deep end and now thinks he’s the chosen one to spread the word of a former science-fiction writer.

We glorify these people for what? Making movies? Singing songs?

I had this vision of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates reviewing everyone’s record for possible admittance into heaven. But on this given day, St. Peter had an appointment with his chiropodist and his replacement was a former editor of People magazine named Bernie.

“Ok, next. Let’s see, what do we have here? You were a movie star…You made hit records… You toured around the world… You did drugs… wow, lots of em from what I can see here… You were in rehab.. how many times? Jeezus Chr…oops, can’t say that! Boy you’ve had a great life! Come on in!

Ok, next. Let’s see… so you were a fireman AND you served in the National Guard? You saved 5 people, including 3 kids and a dog from a burning building… You single-handedly destroyed an enemy convoy in Iraq… And you organized charities to help under-privileged kids. Hmmmm… How many times you been married? Just once, huh? Any kids from more than one woman? No? That’s too bad. Alcoholic? Not that, either? Ever steal anything? (deep sigh) Look, I’d love to get you in but… we’re kinda booked solid right now. Thanks for stopping by.”

‘Til next time.

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