Not standing “Pat”…


In my continuing quest to uncover every single, solitary detail – and as Paul Harvey would so eloquently put it, ‘the rest of the story’ – I have discovered more shocking details concerning the New England Patriots and their apparent undeniable ambivalence in the face of longstanding, tried & true edicts that the majority of us try to live our lives by.

With their recent admonition of improper use of a video camera, they essentially annihilated any credence to the adage that “cheaters never win.” Three Super Bowls in six years will do that to an adage, axiom and/or motto.

My exhaustive investigation will show just how deep rooted the Patriots’ glaring and blatant disregard for sacred rules we hold near and dear actually go.

November 22, 2002 – Patriots Defensive Lineman Richard Seymour crosses a street yet does NOT look both ways before doing so.

June 16, 2003 – Head Coach Bill Belichick, while on his family farm, actually started counting his chickens BEFORE they hatched.

March 9, 2004 – Safety Rodney Harrison, in a written statement to the media, deliberately misspells the word “recieve” placing the “i” AFTER the “c” rather than BEFORE.

December 13, 2004 – Vice President of Player Personnel Scott Pioli retires to his bedroom and proceeds to in fact LET the bedbugs bite.

February 6, 2005 – In perhaps their most egregious act of callousness, the Patriots discovered that a bird in the hand is not really worth two in the bush but in reality a Super Bowl.

***

My opinion on the punishment levied against the Pats: a joke, plain and simple.

For the first time in his short but quite eventful tenure, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell placated to the stars of the game.

What’s that? You say ‘but wait, Belichick is not a player, how can be a star?’

Make no mistake about it kids, Bill Belichick is on the same plateau or better still, playing field of many of the “stars” who suit up every week, and as such is afforded a level of autonomy that very few other coaches have ever achieved.

How else can you explain Belichick not being suspended for one single game for blatant and outright cheating that had a clear and present impact on the outcome of a game and/or games while Cowboys Quarterbacks Coach Wade Wilson was suspended for 5 games PLUS fined $1000,000 for violating its policy on performance-enhancing substances? Wilson has said he took the drugs to try to “improve the quality of my life” after living with diabetes for more than 20 years.

And in a case of hindsight hypocrisy, in his meeting with Goodell, Wilson said the commissioner told him he holds those in authority on a team to a higher standard than players.

Yeah, you may want to rephrase that Commish as on the heels of the sanctions and fined against the Patriots, that statement is completely farcical, as Al Michaels likes to say.

‘Til next time.

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